Tag Archives: fantasy

Thanksgiving day NFL predictions



Guys to start 

Detroit 

Matt Stafford

Golden Tate

Minnesota

Matt Asiata

Blair Walsh… too soon?

Washington

Kirk Cousins

Robert Kelley

Jamison Crowder

Dallas

DAK

Zeke

Dez

Pittsburgh

AB

L’s Bells

Sleeper – Eli Rogers

Indy

… Frank Gore because he can catch
Enjoy your Turkey!!

My Super Bowl Pick – The Perspective

I’ve read a lot of the professional sports writers picks, predictions and reason for them regarding the Super Bowl, and after reviewing both teams and paying close attention to them during the course of 2 Fantasy Football teams’ seasons.

Chuck Norris Jeans - Super Strong

I have come to this prognostication for Super Bowl XLVI in the Lucas Oil Dome in Indianapolis, IN.

New England Patriots – 35
New York Giants – 29

Enjoy the game!

Week 14 Recap – Fantasy Football – Playoffs & Angels and Demons

batman-dark-knight-joker

batman-dark-knight-joker

Week 14 RecapFantasy FootballPlayoffs & Angels and Demons

ANGELS & DEMONS
Correct & Incorrect Calls
CORRECT CALLS on Angels
If you started a combination of these guys you probably are still in contention for the league title!

Drew Brees
Philip Rivers
Arian Foster..

I realize they are must starts anyhow, but its ok to say “we appreciate you on our fantasy team!”…
Mojo Drew
Chris Johnson
Mike Vick
The Atlanta Falcons Offense
LeSean McCoy
Fred Jackson
Peyton Hillis…
etc, etc, etc….

SeriousCatJoker

SeriousCatJoker

If you started people on the next list, you may be reading this while squeezing a stress relief ball and mumbling curses under your breath.
INCORRECT CALLS on Angels
Eli Manning – 8 pts. Oy Vey. They ran all day, didn’t need to pass much.
Brandon Lloyd – The interim coach bump just never materialized and Orton had his worst day this season.
Aaron Rodgers – I mean, hey… the dude headbutted the turf. No one saw that coming. Bummer.
Matt Forte – Didn’t that weather play right into Chicago’s hands? Wow. Fail.
Jaamal Charles – Down 21-0 at halftime. BrooooooooooDeeeeeeee!

WHY_SO_SERIOUS

WHY_SO_SERIOUS

DEMONS
Correct Calls
Sam Bradford – Laid an Egg.
Mark Sanchez – Has forgotten he plays on a strong Offense and chooses to give the ball away to make things more fair.
Carson Palmer – threw for 3 TD’s. 2 of them were to the Pittsburgh Defense, who returned INT’s for 6.
Adrian Peterson – 2 pts. Told ya.
Marshawn Lynch – He hate me. Nope. I hate him…as a fantasy football player. Ditto Carson Palmer.
Brandon Jackson – He is terrible and Green Bay has 5 sucky RB’s now. Starks, Kuhn, BJ, Nance & Quinn Johnson. Pick your poison.

Incorrect Calls
Matt Schaub – I don’t know what happened in this game. He went from getting creamed and WR’s dropping everything. Andre Johnson had 1 catch in the 3rd quarter and then BOOM! OT, as Schaub goes off. He finished as the top ff pt QB for week 14.
Donovan McNabb – Ill put him here, because he ended up getting 19 pts which is a solid day, but he did it by throwing a TD on an alledged 5th down.
Ahmad Bradshaw. Wow. Against such a strong run defense in Minnesota, I certainly didn’t see 100+ yards from the NYG. Let alone both RB’s having 100+ and scores. Nicely done.

Now onto my favorite playoff morsel. The Playoff Sleepers. Let’s see how it went in week 14!

Kevin Boss – 8 pts – $$ in the playoffs!
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers – basically I felt this entire team was going to do work, but once I saw how jacked up the Skins’ D was, I pulled back on this bit. Too late for some. LaGarrette Blount ran hard, fumbled and ended up with 4 pts. Mike Williams got 1 pt. Aurrileous Benn caught 122 yards and Freeman did well, but alas… I would vote this as a negative call on my part.
Steven Jackson – look, 96 yards rushing and 10+ yards receiving isn’t worth writing home about, but it counts as a correct sleeper call.
Marcedes Lewis – 11 pts – $$$
Ryan Fitzpatrick – 11 pts – For a TE = Great! for your QB = Sadness.
Javarris James – 10 pts = For a fill in, this was another $$$ call.
James Starks/Chris Ivory/Tashard Choice – I said pick one if you were desperate. Sorry about that. Ivory got hurt, Starks sucked & Choice disappeared.

Now for the matchup predictions…. Drum roll please.

darkknight-joker-serious

darkknight-joker-serious

History is most certainly on the side of Read Between the Tynes (RBTT) as they have dominated in the previous 2 matchups. Looking at both teams and their individual player matchups, it would seem that Cassel Fit for a King (CFFK) would have a slight advantage. Everything always looks good on paper. If the WR’s DO WORK for RBTT then its gonna be tough sledding for CFFK, although they will need big performances from their QB’s. They may just get it.
Tynes (RBTT) – 128 Cassel (CFFK) – 97. Ya Heard!
ACTUAL SCORE – Tynes (RBTT) – 128 Cassel (CFFK) – 66 BOOM! Nailed it! *Mr. Brady was benched in lieu of white-out in Chi-town and Alex smith delivered. You’ll probably never hear that sentence again… ever. Poor Paulie was tapped and had not a $1 to buy a starting QB. Jason Campbell or John Skelton would have sufficed, although in the end, the majority of the team fell a little short. Cassel (CFFK) fought admirably this season, facing inevitable defeat in Romo’s broken collarbone, he orchestrated a key timed trade of the Bi-Polar Peyton Manning and received two of the hottest QB’s over the past 6 weeks… Unfortunately, those QB’s have been running on fumes the last 2, and with Troy Smiths’ unlikely benching, it was a perfect storm of obstacles.

The other playoff game consists of;

Another situation of repeated abuse. The signs are all there. (M&R) flinches when (EV) raises her hand. M&R so stresses himself out and overwhelms himself trying to play the correct QB’s, RB’s, WR’s, etc…
One quick glance at the matchups screams disaster for…. M&R. Everyone in the league is concerned for M&R that a 3rd and severe beating may do irreverseable harm. Just make it quick EV.

EV – 133 M&R – 98. Boom-Shaka-Laka!
ACTUAL SCORE – EV – 112 M&R – 96 – Clairvoyant ova here! A last minute pickup of Team Tebows, DeSean Jackson almost won the day for M&R, but Wacco Flacco came to the rescue. In what turned out to be a bit of a nail biter of a matchup. Who would have ever thought that starting Felix Jones (14 pts ) in place of Adrian Peterson (2 pts) would have been the better play. M&R was a bit of a mirage this season, as you would think that Thunder & Lightning or Salt n’ Pepa or Shake and Bake aka… Philip & Peyton would have snubbed out competitors at every turn, but alas, the fantasy football gods determined this shared kingdom unfit for two rulers and decided to have one do well and one fall off each week resulting in mixed results. So the former champion gets to salvage his title for one last, sweet week before the crown is fit unto anothers head.

That does it for the G6 crowd. Now for the second class citizens flying coach who have to pay to check that 2nd bag.

#5 Rooster vs. #6 RC
Call it.
TOD. 3:19pm on Dec 8th, 2010.

Levitity shows that the body has been dead for at least 24 hours, but the autopsy will tell us for sure. It looks like Carson Palmer faking the funk on some nasty junk is the COD.
All these recreated CSI & EMT scenes preface our prediction of annihilation and an abrupt end. A little Donnie Darko for you? Yipes. Maybe Donnie Brasco instead… gotta keep this lighter.
RC – 127 Rooster – 111
ACTUAL SCORE – RC – 125 Rooster – 116 – UNstoppable this week…

#7 Hot Tub vs. #8 BenBowski
ESPN calls this BIG, for Hot Tub.
We feel like its BIG, for BenBowski.
Flipping the coin….. still bouncing around….
Hot Tub – 119 Benbowski – 118
ACTUAL SCORE – Benbowski – 91 Hot Tub – 72 This game was a hot mess. ARod concussed and out. In total, all 4 QB’s in this matchup TOTALLED 6 points. A Hearty OY VEY!

#9 TEBOW vs. #10 Calvin & Da Munks
Battle of the bottom dwellers… This game is for the fans. The stadium should be packed.
I went on a couple of dates with a girl who said she was a psychic or something to that effect. She kind of lost me after that. But I called her up to predict this game and she said…
TEBOW – 103 D Munks – 102 Something about shakras and crystals and the moon in the 3rd stage of the coyote or something.
ACTUAL SCORE – D Munks – 122 TEBOW – 103 Got it wrong, but I was dialed in on scores this week!

Finished 3-2 this past week and that brings my total to 21-19 for the season. Looks like I just taught you how to Dougie.

The Championship Finale happens this weekend…
Read Between the Tynes (RBTT) 11-3 versus Team EV’s All-Stars (TEVAS) 10-4

We will preface this and all the other league matchups later this week, but we are psyched for the colossal battle royale that awaits. A new champion will be crowned and the inaugural tropy will be brought home, along with bragging rights for the year.

Let’s get it on! Now the juggernaut which is TEVAS or Ev’s team has won 8 games in a row and looks ready to pry that crown from Tynes cold hard grip!

• Please remember that if your not in the money playoffs then stay off the waiver until after Wednesdays pick ups.

Week 14 Fantasy Football Predictions, Angels & Demons & Playoff Sleepers

Headless Football Player

Headless Football Player

Week 14 Fantasy Football Predictions, Angels & Demons & Playoff Sleepers

ANGELS & DEMONS for Week 14
ANGELS

Drew Brees vs. STL Def – Must Start anyhow, but should deliver the goods this week.
Arian Foster – As long as he keeps bringing the wood, I am putting him on this list!
Eli Manning – Looks to rebound on a Minn Pass Def that gives up some pts & may have Steve Smith and Hakeem Nicks back in limited fashion.
Peyton Manning – He may throw 3 INTs this game but we feel he drops 3 TD’s as well. Now if he could just stop Javarris James from snagging the goal line TD’s!
Philip Rivers – KC can give up some points to QB’s. We feel Rivers is going to have to throw his arm out of joint to keep the Chargers in this game.
Joe Flacco – Facing Houston Def and for some reason, Ray Rice doesn’t score many TD’s, so we hypothesize Joe throws Mo.
Mojo-Drew – Ought to go off One Mo’Gen.
Brandon Lloyd – Resurrected against Arizona – Isn’t Everyone?
Chris Johnson – Dare I say CJ…again? Look, it’s a tough call to sit him ever, but after the stinkers he has dropped on his owners and the unsteadiness of the Titans offense. Period. We think he gets a chance to run and catch his way to a good day against a porous INDY D.
Peyton Hillis – Against Buffalo. I’ll get the caution tape now.
Mike Vick – Facing Dallas. Did you see what a poorly playing Peyton did to them in the 4th qtr? If Vick is on his game, so are the points he brings for Kwanzaa.
Matt Ryan & Mike Turner & Roddy White all face Carolina – This should make you feel like you did after your 3rd helping of Thanksgiving Food. Remember. Pass the Gravy Please!
Aaron Rodgers…
LeSean McCoy…

Alright look, there are SOOOOO many juicy individual fantasy matchups this week, that if you were gonna start the guy, then keep on starting him. Including;
Jamaal…
Vernon Davis…
Fred Jackson…
Ray Rice…
Mendenhall…
Hasselbeck…
Forte…
Jennings…
Roddy…

Moving On, Finally. Sigh.

DEMONS
Sam Bradford – Just a Hunch, but we think New Orleans is almost running on all cylinders and playing at Home.
D McNabb – He may just have to throw for over 300 yards to keep them in this game, but we have a feeling that the Skins’ score less TD’s then McNabb turns the ball over. We say 2 to 3.
Matt Schaub – Against Baltimore on Monday night after the Ravens lost to the Steelers. Whew Whee! Andre Johnson better have on his fast cleats because there won’t be any other WR’s to throw the ball to. Unless you are starting Jacoby Jones this week! Good luck with that!
Mark Sanchez – I want to say he rebounds nicely against Miami, but like Golfing with someone better then you or worse then you, you always seem to play up or down to their level. I feel this way about Sanchez going against Henne. They are both gonna suck. Good thing the Jets can run the ball.
Carson Palmer – Pittsburgh D. Enough Said. No late Fantasy garbage points to pad his stats this week. Just shots to the dome!
Jon Kitna – All signs point to Kitna having a solid day against Philly, but we feel he is going to let us down this game. Garrett has been good, and Tashard Choice is a nice surprise that they knew about all along, but Philly is amped up this week. I mean, its Jon Freaking Kitna.
Felix Jones – Down on this guy. Just don’t trust him.
Adrian Peterson – Look, I get it. His ankle is fine. The Giants are going to bring 8 in the box and force Favre/Jackson to throw and it isn’t going to be pretty. Black N’ Blue & Blood make Purple!
Ahmad Bradshaw – against Minnesota Run Def. No thanks. Plus half the carries are going to Jacobs.
Brandon Jackson – He may have lost his job last week. The job he has been sucking at anyways, you exclaim! Yes, that one.
Rob Bironas – Yes! A kicker finally made my list! He was the best kicker for a stretch, but as the Titans offense has withered and rotted away, so have his chances to kick for points.
Marshawn Lynch – Now his schedule makes the mirage seem so vivid, you can almost taste the delicious water and sweet palm figs, but alas, its Marshawn Lynch and other then playing the Carolina Kitties and having plays end on the 1 yard line, he won’t duplicate that performance.

demotivational posters

demotivational posters

The playoff Sleepers…

Guys who maybe you don’t trust or who have fallen off a bit, who we feel, should have a solid week.

Kevin Boss – Can’t run on the Vikes, but you can pass on them.
The Tampa Bay BucsLaGarrette Blount, Kellen Winslow, Mike Williams, DEF, etc. They face a Washington team that is reeling, festering and basically thrown in the towel on the season.
Steven Jax – After underwhelming for 3 of the past 5 games, he Whelms in this one. Oh he Whelms, alright!
Marcedes Lewis – Oakland Def doesn’t give up many yards to TE’s, but they do allow TD’s to the Big Slow Blockers.
Ryan Fitzpatrick – Just call him Stella. Playing Cleveland is how he’ll get his groove back.
Sidney Rice – Little tougher matchup with the NYG, but should be the man in Minnesota.
Javarris James – Really there isn’t anyone else and he seems to get 5-8 carries a week resulting in 1-2 TD’s. Its better then Brandon Jackson or Ahmad Bradshaw this week.
James Starks – So unsure about this guy right now, but if your dry as a bone at RB, and need a one week performance, either Starks or Chris Ivory or Tashard Choice may be available.

Funny-Demotivational-Posters

As for the impending first round of the playoffs.

We have a couple of rematches.
(10-3) Read between the Tynes vs. Cassel fit for a King (7-6)
They have faced each other twice already this season with the results;
Tynes – 131 Cassel – 92 = Week 4
Tynes – 159 Cassel – 86 = Week 13

History is most certainly on the side of Read Between the Tynes (RBTT) as they have dominated in the previous 2 matchups. Looking at both teams and their individual player matchups, it would seem that Cassel Fit for a King (CFFK) would have a slight advantage. Everything always looks good on paper. If the WR’s DO WORK for RBTT then its gonna be tough sledding for CFFK, although they will need big performances from their QB’s. They may just get it.
Tynes (RBTT) – 128 Cassel (CFFK) – 97. Ya Heard!

The other game consists of;
(9-4) Team EV’s All-Stars vs. (8-5) Manning & Rivers, Inc.
They have also played twice this season
EV – 127 M&R – 72 = Week 4
EV – 69 M&R – 50 = Week 10

Another situation of repeated abuse. The signs are all there. (M&R) flinches when (EV) raises her hand. M&R so stresses himself out and overwhelms himself trying to play the correct QB’s, RB’s, WR’s, etc…
One quick glance at the matchups screams disaster for…. M&R. Everyone in the league is concerned for M&R that a 3rd and severe beating may do irreverseable harm. Just make it quick EV.

EV – 133 M&R – 98. Boom-Shaka-Laka!

That does it for the G6 crowd. Now for the second class citizens flying coach who have to pay to check that 2nd bag.

#5 Rooster vs. #6 RC

Call it.

TOD. 3:19pm on Dec 8th, 2010.

Levitity shows that the body has been dead for at least 24 hours, but the autopsy will tell us for sure. It looks like Carson Palmer faking the funk on some nasty junk is the COD.
All these recreated CSI & EMT scenes preface our prediction of annihilation and an abrupt end. A little Donnie Darko for you? Yipes. Maybe Donnie Brasco instead… gotta keep this lighter.
RC – 127 Rooster – 111

#7 Hot Tub vs. #8 BenBowski
ESPN calls this BIG, for Hot Tub.
We feel like its BIG, for BenBowski.
Flipping the coin….. still bouncing around….
Hot Tub – 119 Benbowski – 118

#9 TEBOW vs. #10 Calvin & Da Munks
Battle of the bottom dwellers… This game is for the fans. The stadium should be packed.
I went on a couple of dates with a girl who said she was a psychic or something to that effect. She kind of lost me after that. But I called her up to predict this game and she said…
TEBOW – 103 D Munks – 102 Something about shakras and crystals and the moon in the 3rd stage of the coyote or something.

Please remember that if your not in the money playoffs then stay off the waiver until after Wednesdays pick ups.

Week 13 Fantasy Football Summary & Playoff Picture

elf

elf

Week 13 Fantasy Football Summary & Playoff Picture

What a season!

For some teams, it was good vibrations for the most part and others are in a deep, dark place. Still others are on such powerful streaks that keeping the momentum going, looks easy.

Congrats to our 4 playoff teams;

#1. Dre
#2. EV
#3. Zall3
#4. Zall2

Can we check the preseason predictions we made on the dry-erase board. I feel like someone had this foursome! Commish, get on this!

First a quick summary. I finished 2-3 on my picks, finishing the regular season an even 20-20. I’m not sure if that is impressive, underwhelming or simply the feeling you get when you purchase a scratch off lottery ticket, drive home, find your lucky coin, scratch furiously and win “a free ticket”. You mean, I have to drive back to the gas station to claim my prize of another lottery ticket and delay the inevitable losing ticket. Thanks!

As for peak performances or Angels & Demons… my predicted Angels included;

ANGELS
CORRECT CALLS

Arian Foster – I mean, for real. LEGIT.
Mike Vick – I still think this guy is a douche, but he can throw the rock.
Mike Turner – Brought the Funk
Matt Forte – Chicago finally has realized they have a RB. Almost got Martz’D!
Stephen Jax – Still Huge in Japan
Aaron Rodgers – $ in the bank
Jamaal Charles – Hard to believe there is another RB who snags 10-15 carries away from JC.
Sidney Rice – This guy was an all-star and Brett Favre still has a couple of healthy fingers on his left hand.

MISSES

Chris Johnson – look I warned that Rusty Smith would have a negative effect, but the stink on this team is so bad, with Vince Young, Randy Moss waiting to collect his paycheck, a damaged Kerry Collins… Stay away. Oh, this advice comes too late. Whoops.
Dwayne Bowe – Zero.
Eli Manning – WTH is going on with the Manning Twins!?!
Matt Hasselbeck – Marshaaaaaaaaaawn Lynch!! Aaaaarrrrggghh. Talk about stealing the wind from Hasselbecks sails. 2 plays end on the 1 yard line, basically forcing Cherry Picker, Lynch to run the ball in.
Peyton Hillis – I have no answers here. Just underperformed.

DEMONS
CORRECT CALLS

Kyle Orton – Finally! We told you to stay away. Should get better for him, soon.
Fred Jackson – Minnesota has a good run d.
D McNabb – This whole team sux.
Joe Flacco – Against Pittsburgh D in cold weather. He shoots, he scores!

MISSES
Andre Johnson – This guy just keeps getting up and destroying cornerbacks
LeGarrette Blount – He just kept his head down, mouth shut and started running.

As for the impending first round of the playoffs.
We have a couple of rematches.
(10-3) Read between the Tynes vs. Cassel fit for a King (7-6)
They have faced each other twice already this season with the results;
Tynes – 131 Cassel – 92 = Week 4
Tynes – 159 Cassel – 86 = Week 13

The other game consists of;
(9-4) Team EV’s All-Stars vs. (8-5) Manning & Rivers, Inc.
They have also played twice this season
EV – 127 M&R – 72
EV – 69 M&R – 50

We will include our picks on tomorrows Predictions & Angels/Demons write up.

WEEK 12 Fantasy Football Recap, Week 13 Predictions and Angels & Demons section

naked-gun

naked-gun

WEEK 12 Fantasy Football Recap, Week 13 Predictions and Angels & Demons section.

I just finished reading a great piece by Matthew Berry, titled, “A Requiem to Leslie Nielsen” and it does both Mr. Nielsen, Lt. Frank Drebin and The Talented Mr. Roto proud..

I would love to expound on the article, but I would be afraid to spoil its wit & depth.

airplane leslie nielsen

airplane leslie nielsen

So, I guess for now, I will go back to my 3rd grade level writing skills and try to color between the lines.

PREDICTION RECAP
Week 12 Predictions & Prognostications

Manning & Rivers, inc. – 145 Rooster – 101

ACTUAL SCORE – Rooster – 125 M&R, Inc – 70 – Ouch!

Cassel Fit for a King – 122 Calvin & Da Munks – 121 – If Dwayne Bowe starts, Calvins total points go to 123 and we have a winner!

ACTUAL SCORE – Calvin – 139 Cassel – 105 – Dwayne Bowe to the Rescue!

So Fresh & So Clean – 149 Team RC – 148 I can’t believe I’m picking against RC again. Last time, they dropped 161 points on our pointy heads!

ACTUAL SCORE – So Fresh – 116 Team RC – 76 – Revenge is best served cold!

Throwing in the Towelie – 123 Can I get a Hot Tub – 99 If TITT gets a Defense he adds another 10 points to the totals!

ACTUAL SCORE – Toweling off – 124 Hot Tub – 90 – He got a Defense!!

Big Benbowski – 129 Team EV’s All-Stars – 111 This is the week that EV hits the wall in the sense that Bowski brings the Hammer. Not his crime fighting cohort The Hebrew Hammer, but the metophorical hammer that pounds a nail in the 5 game winning streak coffin. Harsh. I know.

ACTUAL SCORE – EV – 120 BB – 83 How could I pick against EV…again!

3-2 this week and 18-17 for the season. Yeccchhhh!

Our quick take on this past week.
(dev·as·tat·ed, dev·as·tat·ing, dev·as·tates)
1. To lay waste; destroy.
2. To overwhelm; confound; stun

This can sum up a lot of teams seasons In our league.

Devastating Injuries – (I.e.- Ryan Grant, Tony Romo, DeAngelo Williams (I guess), Frank Gore, Matthew Stafford, Kevin Kolb, etc, etc…)

This word can also sum up expected performances coming up a little short – (I.e. – DeAngelo Williams & Jonathan Stewart, Brett Favre, Ray Rice, Matt Schaub, Larry Fitzgerald, Randy Moss, Brandon Jackson, etc, etc….)

The other description where I think DEVASTATION fits well, is the feeling all other team owners have in not picking up certain players who were available to them on the Auction Waiver. Its one stage of Devastation if you bid too low, because YOU KNEW that this certain player would be good, but its insult to injury if you needed a player and didn’t bid on these Zombies (risen from the grave and now wreaking Havoc) = (Mike Vick, Peyton Hillis, Mike Williams (TB), (Its killing me that I dropped Dwayne Bowe on Sept 15th, but he sucked Donkey Balls for 5 weeks till blowing up!!!) & Steve Johnson)

So moving away from negative thoughts, we take a look at our Angels & Demon picks from last week (Smacks Hand to Forehead) FUGLY.

Predicted Angels…
CORRECT CALLS

Mike Tolbert did work.

NYJ’s – I said the defense and Mark Sanchez! Double Score!

Eli Manning did well against Jax.

Peyton Hillis – 3 td’s = Fantasy Goodness!

Finally, Ray Rice ran and caught his way to a good Fantasy Day…

Now onto the carnage, which is aplenty!
INCORRECT CALLS

Frank Gore = Broken Hip, out for season.

Chris Johnson = Zero Fantasy Points against Houston’s 32nd ranked defense. Rusty Smith’d!

Sidney Rice = No Favre Turnovers = No Favre Touchdowns…

Peyton Manning was terrible…again. 4 INTS!

Sorry, I just call em’ like I see em. Obviously, Chris Johnson & Peyton are must starts each week until otherwise notified of horrific injury.

As for this weeks ANGELS & DEMONS section… Here we go.

ANGELS
Arian Foster – He can run, He can catch and he is going to need to do more catching then running, because of two things. #1. Philly may be up big. Quickly. #2. Matt Schaub is gonna have Eagle Wings in his face all day and dump off passes to a talented RB look good!

Mike Vick against Houston D. Unless Vick removes a mask and reveals himself to be Rusty Smith, then expect big points here.

Matt Cassel against Denver Defense – I can see the RB duo getting a lot of work here and maybe taking some points away from Cassel.

Eli Manning against Washington Skins D.

Peyton Manning after one of the worst performances of his career and this season against a porous Dallas Defense. This could get ugly. Someone is gonna see stars. Deh-vuh-Stay-Shun!
If Adrian Peterson is 80% or better he gets MAD points against Buffalo!

Sam Bradford at Arizona – Give me a break!

Matt Hasselbeck against Carolina. At Home. Hasselbeck to Obomanu all day!!!

Mike Turner against TB Run Defense. Oy Vey!

Matt Forte against Detroit Defense. OY OY VEY!

If Chris Johnson can’t make last weeks ZERO performance up to his owners against Jax, then obviously Rusty Smith is his QB. If Kerry is starting, CJ should vindicate himself!

Stephen Jax is huge in Japan!

Jay Cutler has a nice matchup against Detroit.

We like Todd Heap as a serviceable TE against Pitt D.

If I don’t put Dwayne Bowe on this list by now, I am not worth the paper this is typed on. Typed?

Unless its snowing in Green Bay, Aaron Rodgers is gonna pick apart 49ers all day.

Jamaal Charles vs. Denver defense = Yep.

LT vs. NE defense on Monday Night = Yep Yep.

Peyton Hillis against Miami Defense = Yep Yep Yeppers!

I’m betting that Sidney Rice doesn’t call it a comeback and brings the pain. Same goes for Nate Washington but only if he scrubs the Rusty out and gets himself some Kerry Collins, otherwise its best to sit him.

Now for some DEMONS! MUAH!

Stay away from Andre Johnson – start him of course, unless you have better options. But against Philly in Philly with cold weather. Yipes!

I feel silly saying OchoCinco, but yeah, go ahead and put ol’ #85 on the “We’re down on him” list.

LaGarrette Blount. If you have another option, use it, if not, he will be solid but nothing fancy, like TD’s or large long fantasy point rich runs.

Its completely just a gut feeling, but the AFC West has been so wacky and weekly up, down and impossible to predict that we think Kyle Orton falls on the dissappointment side of Angels & Demons. We see him in purgatory this week. He shant be throwing 4 td’s this week.

Fred Jackson against Minnesota Run Defense. Stay Away. Keep in mind Fred can catch and its his backfield, so Fitzy will be dumping off passes all day.

Donovan McNabb against an angry NYG defense. Stay Away!

Joe Flacco faces Pittsburgh. I’m not sure how much more you really need to read.

PREDICTIONS

CASSEL – 124 TYNES – 122

EV – 130 CALVIN – 127 This time, even (Say it fast) (“A Beautiful Colorful Dwayne Bowe”) can’t get them a win.

RC – 101 BB – 99

* TEBOW – 119 M&R – 113

* ROOSTER – 122 HOT TUB – 106

* We are predicting 6-6 ROOSTER wins & 7-5 M&R loses thereby deferring to total season points scored and our prediction of the 4th and final playoff team is ROOSTER.


HAPPY CHANUKAH and Have a Great Week! Surely, Remember to check your rosters as we have another Thursday game! I will most certainly check my roster and don’t call me Shirley.

Dreznin Swagger

Fantasy Football Week 11 Predictions and Prognostications

Anchorman__Channel_4_News_Team_by_Kelevra

Anchorman__Channel_4_News_Team_by_Kelevra

Fantasy Football Week 11 Predictions and Prognostications

Ron Burgundy: I don’t know how to put this but I’m kind of a big deal.
Veronica Corningstone: Really.
Ron Burgundy: People know me.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, I’m very happy for you.
Ron Burgundy: I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

Well, after the complete beat down performed by record setting Team RC (161 team points), I am going to ease into this weekly Angels & Demons section. Dip a toe in the water, if you will.

My Angels for this week.
Drew Brees against Seattle after a Bye Week. I’ll take 2 scoops! Shaun Hill against a Dallas Defense that gives out touchdowns to opposing QB’s, like Jehovahs Witnesses give out flyers on the Boardwalk.

Carson palmer grow his vulture wings and feast off the carcass of Buffalo whether they win a nail biter or get demolished. I think it’s a nail biter and Carson throws some INT’s along with TD’s.
Peyton Hillis should DO WORK against run friendly Jags D.

Rashard Mendenhall against Oakland Run D. Yesssss Sir! Calvin aka MEGATRON Johnson against Dallas Defense… See Shaun Hill notes above.

Peyton Manning (The original Peyton or the O.P.) against porous NE Pats D. Same old Peyton! LaGarette Blount against 49ers. Normally Bucs don’t do well on West Coast, but I think this new regime has completely shaken any old curses.

Matt Cassel vs. Phoenix Redbirds. Advantage Cassel. Dez Bryant seems to like his hazings doled out by Kitna and there will be blood. Lions blood. As Dez should go off.

Kyle Orton against San Diego equals FF goodness! Larry Fitzgerald is ripe to devour this week.

Aaron Rodgers against Minnesota seems like as good a way as any to come back after a refreshing bye week. We think the rest did the Mustachioed Rodgers good. Mark Sanchez gets the Houston Texans worst ranked defense to come to town. Are you kidding me? He is gonna do work.

Flacco versus Carolina Kitties who are starting a 3rd string RB, and a 4th string QB. Flacco will be pulled by the 3rd qtr as the Ravens will be ahead by 30 pts.
MoJo Drew is going to have a good day catching the ball against surprisingly good run defense in Cleveland.

Tom Brady is going to have to throw a lot against Indy high octane offense in this matchup. Kind of iffy on Sam Bradford. He will probably get double digits in FF points but were are guessing low teens as Atlanta is a solid defense and his WR corp is thin.

Fool us once, shame on you, Fool us twice and we suck. David Garrard is going to throw all day on Cleveland and light the Cuyahoga back on Fire! Jon Kitna will have a decent day against Detroit, although I fathom he may have the paw print of SUH on his helmet by the time this game is over.
I can only pick two players off RC’s roster so I’m done, but I am staring longingly with a crush as her roster is stacked! Gonna be another good week.

Demons include;

Is Dustin Keller really going to drop another stinker on us, even against “It’s your offenses birthday” Texans D? If he does, he will find himself surfing the wire.

Is this the week Mike Vick gets stopped, throws an INT, is discovered to have sent Brett Favre a text? We think the NYG’s game plan a bit better and maybe a slipup here or there for Vick but all in all not too bad. Pierre Garcon on the other hand… We have no words….Oh yeah, I guess we do… CATCH THE BALL!

Matt Schaub at the Jets. Oh Lawd have Mercy. Stay Away. Schaub is toast this year and other then an easy game peppered in too make you forget how terrible he has been, the stink grows.
We think Adrian Peterson has a tough go of things this week facing a rested, stingy Packers Defense.

We are down on Ahmad Bradshaw, although we think he does ok because of his pass catching skills, but its going to be tough running, unless Philly repeats and Bradshaw grosses points in garbage time.
Big Ben against Oakland. Im getting queasy just thinking about this one. Ben seems shaky as he has underperformed in his last few games and although this looks to be a fantasy point rich matchup, maybe in the run dept, but not the pass.

Screw it. LeSean McCoy because I hate him. Loathe him. He is the debbil. We asked this question last week and the answer was, surprisingly “NO!” If Cedric Benson hasn’t produced yet, he has to against the RB friendly defense of 1-8 Buffalo, right?

Mike “Turner the Burner” against surprising ST. Louie D and Brandon Jacobs against Philly.. NO to both…. NO X 2.… No Squared…. Nyet…
Unsure about Steven Jackson against ATL D. We’ll hedge our bets and say minimal performance.

SO FRESH & SO CLEAN – 134 ROOSTER 125

CALVIN & DA MUNKS – 135 M&R, INC. – 121

BIG BENBOWSKI – 115 CASSEL FIT FOR A KING – 105

HOT TUB – 111 TEAM EV – 109

TEAM RC – 126 BLEEDING – 106

Mike McDermott: “Fold or hang tough. Call or raise the bet. These are decisions you make at the table. Sometimes the odds are stacked so clear there’s only one way to play it. Other times, like holding a small pair against two over cards, it’s six to five, or even money, either way. Then it’s all about feel, what’s in your guts.“

From Anchorman!
Brian Fantana: [about Veronica] I’ll give this little cookie an hour before we’re doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up.
[opens cologne cabinet]
Ron Burgundy: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard’s Delight.
Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne… It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries… Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.

I realize now, through your vigil and vitriol filled letters that I am not Matthew Berry but kind of like a Tall Bill Simmons, which is flattering like calling a small Killer Whale a Porpoise. It hurts bro, it hurts. Have a good week, and good luck to all the athletes competing in Ironman Arizona! Go Sarasota Storm!

Fantasy Football Week 10 Recap

funny-poster-pics-1

funny-poster-pics-1

Fantasy Football Week 10 Recap

62.
42.
42.
35.
34.
31.

These are some of the Fantasy Point Totals from Individual players this week. Now if you faced Mr. 62 or one of the 42’s you would certainly bet money that the owner of that players’ team would be victorious.

Let’s take a look.

62 = Loss
42 = Loss
42 = Win
35 = Win
34 = Win
31 = Loss

Half and Half. And the top three scores totaled 2 Losses & 1 Win. Other then that, some fanny’s got smacked and some Shellacks got Shellacked! Paulie and I had a spirited text fest while watching Vick go crazy on Monday Night. Paulie hoping for a Rooster comeback and me rooting for the Eagles D to save the win for Benbowski! Way to Go Defense with the game saving Pick Six!

From whence it came, Quarterbacks showed up this week to destroy your fantasy hopes and dreams. Geez. Whoa. Insanity!
In no particular order;
Kyle Orton, 296 yards, 4 TD’s
Tom Brady, 350 yards, 3 TD’s
Matt Cassel, 469 yards, 4TD’s
David Garrard, 342 yards, 2 TD’s
Jon Kitna, 327 yards, 3 TD’s
Matt Ryan, 316 yards, 3 TD’s
Ben Roethlisberger, 387 yards, 3 TD’s
… There are more, but you get the point. If you faced one of these guys last week, you may have lost your matchup.

Other crazy performances include;
Dwayne Bowe, 186 rec yds, 2 TD’s
Roddy White, 138 rec yds, 2 TD’s
Kieland Williams, 89 rush yds, 50 rec yds, 3 TD’s (earlier this season was cut and on the practice squad.)
Mike Wallace, 136 rec yds, 2 TD’s
Rob Gronkowski, 78 rec yds, 3 TD’s and he is a Tight End, the #2 TE on the Patriots!!!

So I digress.

A fun week, some upsets and predictable performances for sure.
As for my future predicting skills.

10-10 on the season so far. Bah!

Like tearing off a band-aid or facing down a bully, lets get this over with.

PREDICTIONS
Hasselbeck Girl (7-2) vs. Team RC (3-6)
HG – 124 RC – 89

EV’s All-Stars (5-4) vs. M & R, Inc. (6-3)
EV – 118 M&R – 114

Stop the Bleeding (4-5) vs. Calvin & Da Munks
STB – 112 C&TC – 103

Scoring Early and Austin vs. Can I Get a Hot Tub?
SE&A – 123 CIGAHT – 88

The Big Benbowski vs. Team Rooster
ROOSTER – 96 BenBowski – 95

Actual Scores

RC – 160 HG – 128

EV – 127 M&R – 72

C&TC – 140 STB – 90

SE&A – 115 CIGAHT – 87

BenBowski – 140 Rooster – 129

2-3 again!!! Arrrrggghhhh! 12-13 on the season. I’m giving this predicting thing one more week, then I’m back to just tweaking my team for the playoff run.

Fantasy Football Week 10 Predictions & Prognostications – Fantasy Angels & Demons!

Matthew Berry via twitter image

Matthew Berry via twitter image

Fantasy Football Week 10 Predictions & Prognostications – Fantasy Angels & Demons!

I am not Matthew Berry. I do not get compensation for writing this. I am not famous by way of my full-time career at ESPN. I do not have a receding hairline. No one emails me hate mail about my Angels & Demons section. I am not all that good at Fantasy Football.

Now, I can see you shaking your head in disagreement and exclaiming, “ But Sean, your all alone in first place at 7-2 and have not scored under 100 fantasy points in any week, so this must mean you are the best, Ever!” I can clearly see you saying that. Clearly. But alas, thanks to some well timed performances and mostly correct choices in who to start and who to sit, my team has somehow risen to the top, for now.

Just like the NFL this season, our fantasy league is ripe with parity, and to prove this point.
* EV’s All-stars = (5-4) overall on a 3 game win streak. Look good to make it 4 this week!
* 3rd highest scoring team in the league, Hot Tub (4-5) sits in sixth place and each week rides on Aaron Rodgers Mustachioed shoulders
* Stop the Bleeding (3 consecutive losses) is 3-0 playing imaginary “away games” the only undefeated Road team
* Team Hot Tub is the only winless team playing on their imaginary “Home Field” 0-4
* Hasselbeck Girl has not scored less then 100 points…ever. Just Saying. 6 straight wins!
* Calvin & Da Munks have dropped 4 in a row.
* Its like trying to read the stars in predicting winners and losers each week, save for, Hassel beck & Calvin.
* Bottom line. This league is all about QB’s. Even if you RB or WR goes bezerk. (I.e. – T.O. or DeSean or Hakeem Nicks or Michael Turner or Darren McFadden) If your QB’s suck squirrel giblets, then your team is doomed. (CSI Results – Schaub & Henne/Kolb (both starters now benchwarmers))

So using that segue of parity, we delve into this weeks matchups. Now we do have the benefit of Thursdays games already having been played, and we can’t pretend we covered our eyes. Much love to Roddy & Matty Ice! (P.S. – Matty Ice says “Hi” from the bench!) Flacco & Boldin get some props as well.

Trying to keep this somewhat mainstream for people to actually use and still keeping it tied to our league as well, I am going to pick a couple of Fantasy Angels & a couple of Fantasy Demons. Players (Angels) we think will deliver the Fantasy goods this week include;

constantine angel

constantine angel

Hasselbeck Girl vs. Team RC
Arian Foster & Roddy White (31 pts) See, I told you I cheated! Arian Foster versus Jaguars D. D stands for Delicious!
David Garrard vs. Houston & Jahvid Best versus Buffalo – Garrard by default of playing worst passing defense & if Jahvid is ever going to have a good game, this logically, has to be the one. Right?

EV’s All-Stars vs. M & R, Inc.
Josh Freeman & Mojo should DO WORK. Freeman faces Carolina Kitties & Mojo faces Houston in what should be a shoot out. Lots of juicy points to go around in that game. P.S. – Flacco already dropped 23 golden nuggets on ATL. Nice Job Wacco!
Peyton Manning is who we thought he was. The Bucs Defense will score some points this week, fo sho.

Stop the Bleeding vs. Calvin & Da Munks.
Sam Bradford against SF 49ers looks a lot better then Tom Brady vs. Pitts D. So we hypothesize Bradford does decent. Steve Smith and Brandon Jacobs should both be able to feast on the Dallas Cowboys rotting carcass. As for Da Munks, Calvin Johnson facing Buffalo, Rashard Three Mendenhall & a Baby against Patriots & T.O. battling Indy (we think Cincy will be down big and that means more garbage time FF points for Carson & T.O., should bring the pain. BRING THE PAIN!

Scoring Early and Austin vs. Can I Get a Hot Tub?

nfl-cheerleaders

What my dreams look like!

This week could be another ridic performance for Eli Manning & Ahmad Bradshaw, facing the aforementioned bloated and stinky corpse which is America’s Team,.. Ladies and Gentlemen, Jon Kitna and your Dallas Cowboys. At least they have tremendous cheerleaders. We also think Jacob Tamme brings the Shammy and a boatload of points as Cincy’s corners are halfway decent, so dump off passes to Tamme seem like a good bet. For Hot Tub, Jamaal Charles versus Denvers Run D and Mike Sims-Walker against previously mentioned Houston Pass D should reap HUGE rewards fantasy point wise. We also like the Giants D against the poor, poor Cowboys.

tt cheerleaders

What my dreams look like!

The Big Benbowski vs. Team Rooster
We like us some Big Ben this week. Lately he has been a little rusty in Fantasy point regards, but this week he makes it up to his owners. Also the WR’s Hakeem Nicks (basically all the NY Football Giants) and Larry Fitzgerald against Seattle (now that Breaston is marginally healthy). (P.S. – As previously mentioned, Matt Ryan was left on the bench as he dropped (32 pts) on Baltimore. Oy Vey. For Rooster, Carson palmer & Thomas Jones should have solid days and we like Visanthe Shiancoe as Percy Harvin is dealing with headaches again and Sidney Rice is probably a no go this week. Favre has to throw 40 times to someone. Might as well be Shaincoe.

One loser (Demon) from each teams matchup, include;

Demons Section

Demons Section

Hasselbeck Girl vs. Team RC
Brett Favre against one of the best pass defenses this year in Chicago and slim receiving corp. Ouch.
Jon Kitna at the NYG. OMG. He is gonna be buried next to Hoffa by the time this game is over, even if its played on turf. Sack City, USA.

EV’s All-Stars vs. M & R, Inc.
The Ravens Defense. (3 pts) Seriously, we really like EV’s All-stars this week, so we would have picked the D. Just Saying.
Colt McCoy against the NYJ Defense. Look, Colt has been more impressive then anyone could ask, against the Steelers, Saints & Patriots (2 wins BTW), but 3 out of 4 just seems like too much too ask. Just Saying.

Stop the Bleeding vs. Calvin & Da Munks.
Screw it. Michael Turner (3 pts) against Baltimore Run D. Easy pick.
Unsure how Donovon reacts this week, with benching but facing former team on Monday night. So we assume he performs solid and instead pick surprise failure from Matt Schaub, just because we think Arian Foster runs wild and Schaub throws a couple INT’s.

Scoring Early and Austin vs. Can I Get a Hot Tub?
Ryan Torain – The rest of the roster looks ready for “Beast Mode” this week, so Torain with his gimpy Hammy against a stingy Philly D. No Thanks.
I guess, Aaron Rodgers (On a BYE) but we think Danny picks up a different QB, irregardless, its gonna be bad, whomever he picks (Pennington, Clausen, Pike, or whoever the 2nd string QB is in Denver) (P.S. – Alex Smith is injured and likely won’t start, so that’s not good.)

The Big Benbowski vs. Team Rooster
Ronnie Brown facing the Titans D. Nope. Don’t want any, we aint buying. Talk to the Hand. Nope.
We think Mike Vick does worse then usual this Monday night. He always seems one poor decision away from another injury and Washington has put some people on the DL, including Vick, the first time this season. Just Saying.

ACTUAL PREDICTIONS
Hasselbeck Girl (7-2) vs. Team RC (3-6)
HG – 124 RC – 89

EV’s All-Stars (5-4) vs. M & R, Inc. (6-3)
EV – 118 M&R – 114

Stop the Bleeding (4-5) vs. Calvin & Da Munks
STB – 112 C&TC – 103

Scoring Early and Austin vs. Can I Get a Hot Tub?
SE&A – 123 CIGAHT – 88

The Big Benbowski vs. Team Rooster
ROOSTER – 96 BenBowski – 95

Have a great week my people & good luck to the athletes competing in the Clearwater 70.3 Championships on Saturday! I’ll be there cheering you on!

Week 9 Fantasy Football Predictions & Prognostications

Week 9 Fantasy Football Predictions & Prognostications

Its been an eventful and somewhat morose week….

* Randy Moss is a Tennessee Titan. Welcome to Ol’ Rocky Top… I’m sure this will go well!
* Shawne Merriman will have to find a new place for himself & Tila Tequila to live, as he plays in Buffalo now.
* Lil’ Wayne is a free man. Released from Rikers. Congrats, you earned it!
* Gucci Mane was arrested and subdued with pepper spray. Burr, Burrrr! Ha!
* Midterm Elections – GOP taking back the house.
* Numerous Bull Shark sightings in the shallows at Siesta (Yes, I went for a solo open water swim Tuesday evening at 5:30pm. Maybe a poor decision)
* Did anyone notice that the SF Giants won the World Series. I stopped watching when the Rays were eliminated.
* Pro Surfer, Andy Irons passed away at age 32, from Dengue Fever.???? Dengue Fever? WTF?
UPDATE – they also found Xanax & Ambien in his system. When will people learn? Sad.
* Antoine Dodson has made more money then most of us will in the next 5 years. Antoine is the “They rapin’ everybody” autotune guy with his own itune song and ringtone.
* Myspace was put “On Notice” by Newscorp (Fox), its owner, that its losses and lack of popularity are unacceptable and changes must happen. Our once mighty Myspace may be on its last gasp.
* The McRib returned. Like a family of raccoons in your attic. Welcome back.

And what a nice segue! Welcome back to you as well. This weeks predictions may have a sharper edge then normal.

Let us grab our agents cell phone number, the direct number to our attorney’s office and a handful of pills and a bottle of Stoli, cause we’re headed to rehab in our train wreck matchup comparisons.

Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen

picture via theonion.com

Our CHARLIE SHEEN Matchup of the week. Both teams keep getting chances to redeem themselves only to be caught naked in a holiday inn with a bag full of cocaine, a passed out hooker, their vehicle in a gulley at the bottom of a cliff and the abused spouses waiting at home for their alimony checks to feed their pain pill addictions.

Starting from the bottom and rising to the top this week, we will start with “THE ELIMINATOR” game!
HE’S STILL GOT IT! Facing THE BIG BENBOWSKI Both teams are staring 3-5 records squarely in the face.
Now, technically, even with a loss, and a 3-6 record, the loser could win out and finish 7-6 and I imagine, depending on previous matchups and head to head records, the playoffs could still be a possibility, but a torturous journey it will be. At least 5 teams will be ahead of you vying for that last of 4 playoff spots as well. Bottom line….Win this game!
All 4 QB’s have juicy matchups. Whomever’s QB’s DO WORK, will take this matchup, straight up.
If the QB battle is close, then we think LeSean pulls out his juju beads and drops some VooDoo on… his owner. Hakeem Nicks and Fitzy I are gonna go off!
Benbowski – 105 over HSGI – 102

jamarcus russell

jamarcus russell

copyright by Mobile County Sheriff

The JAMARCUS RUSSELL matchup of the week. So much potential, So much hope dawned anew on a season long march toward the championship! Derailed! FAIL. Ray Rice & Matt Schaub are the cough syrup in this story with Donovan McNabb and every other QB started on C&tC as the Oakland Raiders. The high WR draft picks that were all busts because Jamarcus Russell sucked donkey balls can be played by Pierre Thomas and Felix Jones.

CALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS (2-6) facing MANNING & RIVERS, INC. (5-3)
Well, already up against the wall, the chipmunks begin there march to win out. Drop one game and all hope is extinguished. Similar to being a conspiracy theorist and living in your mothers basement, lining your walls with aluminum foil and wearing a hat made of chicken wire and magnets, the chipmunks need to focus and find their happy place, because if Derek Anderson & Matt Schaub can’t learn how to throw a forward pass and defeat the juggernaut of Peyton & Phillip (which sounds like a London Financial Brokerage Office), then fantasy Armageddon awaits. Regarding M&R, Inc, the 60%-75% theory still applies, although we probably need a catchier name then that. Any suggestions? Keep them to yourself.
M&R, Inc – 137 over C&TC – 90

Tiger-woods-divorce-settlement

Tiger-woods-divorce-settlement

picture from thenewsoftoday.com

Our TIGER WOODS / ELIN NORDEGREN matchup of the week. This is the matchup where you actually still kind of like both parties, hope for a resurgance on the links for Tiger, and in life for Elin. Same goes for both of these teams. We think the trade was necessary and not bad overall and RC is a surprising 3-5, if she could only figure out the right QB’s to start on the right week! Oy Vey! Just Do It? For the record, we think Tiger woods is a jackass for cheating on Elin and his kids, but $100+ million and embarrassment later, we hope for good golf.

SCOREING (sic) EARLY AND AUSTIN (5-3) versus TEAM RC (3-5)
How RC is 3-5, still boggles my mind. Her QB Black hole always seems to suck the wrong player to the bench and start the underachiever. This week, she has no choice and is stuck with Henne & Kitna as they will go heads up against newly acquired Cassel and Eli. In our opinion, we think this may finish quite even. Henne’s matchup against Baltimore sucks, but Kitna HAS to go bonkers on Green bay, whereas Cassel against Oakland means Run, Run, Run and look for a 3 to 1 Run to Pass ratio. Eli plays Seattle who has a somewhat surprising defense (last weeks game excluded…sometimes you mean to fart, and instead it’s a shart…or Jason Campbell (he is kind of a shart)) We love Darren McFadden and as long as RC changes roster, the loss of CJ and S-Jax on Byes (re: see luckiest team in the world comment regarding AUSTIN) hurts, but can be made up. The fantasy gods demand a Win from RC, so we succumb as well.
RC – 99 over SE&A – 97

Sandra-Bullock-husband-Jesse-James-Mistress-Tattoo-Model-Michelle-McGee

Sandra-Bullock-husband-Jesse-James-Mistress-Tattoo-Model-Michelle-McGee

picture via thedailyinquirer.net

Our JESSE JAMES matchup of the week. I mean, we just don’t have any explanation for these teams. Its like bizzaro world or something out of a stephen king novel. Rooster pulled Vick out of the waiver wile scrap pile and in essence found a Nolan Ryan mint condition rookie card at a garage sale. For EV, Joe flacco and Cedric benson have been the equivalent of spoiled rotten kids leeching off their wealthy parents. They do very little positive and just suck the life out of this team. The relation to Jesse James is we can’t wrap our heads around this d-bags lack of brain cells. He is married to an amazing woman who is classy, seems fun, makes mad bank, and seems like an all around catch. Then after he blows all that up… Kat Von D? Its no fun fishing if the fish jump into your boat.

ROOSTER (5-3) versus EV’s ALL-STARS (4-4)
If anyone can explain to me, like a 3rd grader, how Rooster is 5-3 and how EV is 4-4, I am all ears. I just can’t seem to fathom how the rosters and schedules played out this way. Its awesome! This game seems way too easy to predict, so I’m just rolling with it. No Mojo3 or Brandon Lloyd for EV means a huge FF point loss.
Rooster – 119 over EV’s – 79

Our BRITNEY SPEARS / KEVIN FEDERLINE matchup of the week. This basically describes one team heading in one direction while the other is heading in the opposite direction. Pretty simple stuff. I think based on winning and losing streaks, you can figure out who is the Federline in this matchup. Remember there was a point when Britney (1-2 record for IANHG) was bald wielding an umbrella into the side of an SUV. And Federline’s redemption was a spot in a Burger King Commercial. Just Saying.

britney spears

britney spears

copyright by thesunblog.com

I AINT NO HASSELBECK GIRL (6-2) versus STOP THE BLEEDING (4-4)
On paper this looks like it could get ugly 140 – 100, but once the monocle comes out, the closer inspection looks a little different, in our eye anyway. We think this matchup comes down to the wire. This is due to Stafford facing Jets D or do I actually start Favre against Arizona… I am hesitant to get FAVRE’d again. I know the stove is hot, but I can’t stop touching it! The only saving grace is Fitzy II plays Chicago and if the Bears actually play D, could shut him down. In all confidence, the rest of the roster rundown looks like a slaughter for IANHG, but anything can happen.
Hasselbeck Girl – 139 over Stop The Bleeding – 134

Its been a steady progression to this point in the season with a pretty smooth commish and enjoyable draft, so raise your glass, take a breath and smash that glass over your head because this is your wake up call to stop being stupid and start being awesome. Your Welcome!