Week 8 Fantasy Football Recap
What a week! After the trades and waiver wire pickups and bye week players shook out, it was business as usual… Instead of a Halloween Hangover, we are going to go with a lighter theme, which you will find more info on, below!
In our weekly predictions, we went 3-2 improving our record to 8-7. Weeeeeee….
Anyhow, this recap is brought to you by the characterzations of Adam Sandler characters throughout the years.
As always, I start with highest scoring team and the cumulative highest scoring matchup.
Don’t Mess with the Zohan – The Zohan, the finest counterterrorist agent the Israeli army has. That is, until he fakes his death and travels to Manhattan to live his dream…as a hairdresser. You can connect the dots anyway you like on this one.
Zohan: “I just want to make people silky-smooth! “
THE HEBREW HAMMER – 153 over CALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS – 103
A slugfest with Calvin having hopes and dreams heading into Monday night game. Matt Schaub against a beat up, broke down Colts Defense versus Hammers Arian Foster & kicker Neal Rackers. Granted, Hammer was up by 24 pts, so Schaubbie had some work to do, but to drop a deuce like he did was uninspiring to say the least. Anyhow, speaking of Silky-Smooth, Hammer included the newly acquired and potential superstar, Matthew Stafford (31 pts), Arian Foster (26), Antonio gates & Drew Brees (22 pts each). For Calvin it was weekly point leader and namesake, Calvin Johnson (32 pts) & T.O. (20) & Mendenhall (14), but a bit of a dropoff thereafter. The duds for Hammer included Burleson (4) which actually was really the only bust. J As for Calvin, some disappointing performances from Schaub (7) & Jahvid Best (9) & TE Hernandez (5). All in all, Calvin surpassed 100 FF pts, so not a bad week, just ran into a buzz saw.
Hammer has won 5 in a row to claim solo possession of 1st at 6-2. Calvin needs to win out to have a chance, as 2-6 means Win or go home. Just Saying.
Prediction – Hammer – 128 Calvin – 112
“That Veronica Vaugn is one piece of Ace!”
Billy Madison – “Principal: Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: Okay, a simple “wrong” would’ve done just fine. “
Classic stuff here! & fitting as well.
TEAM EV’S ALL-STARS – 141 over HE’S STILL GOT IT – 80
Another spot on prediction! To quote, “If Jason Campbell scores more then 15 points, Erin wins BIG” (Golf clap) Jason Campbell = (28 pts), Brandon Lloyd (26), Packers D (18) not a bad trifecta! As for studs on HSGI… Jamaal Charles (25 pts) & Sebastian janikowski (15). I spelled out Jani Kings name to make this section seeeeeeeeeem longer. As for duds, EV got a DONUT from Winslow, but that’s it. Solid performance in a clutch week! As for LeSean’s team… Oy Vey. Newly acquired (via trade for Torain) Vernon Davis scored a point (1 pt), Mr. 85 scored (3 pts) & Starting QB’s Aaron Rodgers and Mark Sanchez combined for (10 pts). EV is 4-4 and for now has been taken off life support and looks primed to work her way into the playoff picture. As for HSGI, sitting at 3-5, the climb into playoff relevancy looks bleak. Drop another of the 5 remaining games and scenarios look like this. Go 4-1 and finish 7-6. Drop 2 of 5 and a below .500 6-7 finish would seem to equal no playoffs. Just saying.
Prediction – EV – 103 Malcolm (HGSI) – 82
I just couldn’t decide which photo was funnier! Although the above would have been more fitting for Jared, Paulie or Steve, but lets use our imagination here. Haha!
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry – Captain Phineas J. Tucker: “And most importantly, they showed us that no matter whom we choose to love, be they heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, bisexual, trisexual, quadrisexual, pansexual, transexual, omnisexual or that thing where the chick ties the belt around your neck and tinkles on a ballon, it has absolutely nothing to do with who we are as people.” Regarding the below combatants, I couldn’t have said it better then Capt. Tucker!
ROOSTER – 115 over THE BIG BENBOWSKI – 74
Systematic Failure. Rooster gets more crazy production from Carson Palmer (17) & Vince Young (24)! Who could have guessed those performances? Andre Johnson (20) & Mike Bush (16) completed the studs portion of Rooster, whereas Benbowski had Fitzy I (17), Orton (21) & Mercedes Lewis (17) and then silence. Duds for Rooster included V-Shaincoe (3) & maybe Thomas Jones (7) and that’s it. As for Big Ben the real one (2 pts) = FAIL and DONUTS from Marshawn Lynch and Randy Moss. Oy Vey.
Rooster sitting at 4-4 is neck and neck with EV at the tail end of the playoff push. Benbowski needs to rally the troops and storm the league, because as previously noted, 3-5 is the slippiest of slippery slopes. Yeah, I said slippiest. Deal!
Prediction – Rooster – 97 Benbowski – 96
Happy Gilmore – Shooter McGavin: You’re in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!
Happy Gilmore: [laughing] You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
Shooter McGavin: [long pause] No!
Happy Gilmore: [to his golf ball] You little son of a bitch ball! Why you don’t you just go HOME? That’s your HOME! Are you too good for your HOME? ANSWER ME! SUCK MY WHITE ASS, BALL!
SUBMISSION – 115 over TEAM RC – 73
AAAARRRRGGGGHHH. The 4 headed QB situation on RC is maddening! Garrard rides the pine for 35 pts and leads all fantasy players this week, scoring 5 TD’s. But rest easy, even with Garrard starting, Submission (M&R inc) would have prevailed. Studs include Kitna (16) & Chris Johnson (15) if you can call them studs. For Submission (M&R inc) supastahs included Manning, Rivers & Peterson. Now the kicker & defense ruined my 75% theory of point production, but instead the 3 headed monster known now as Manning & Rivers, inc. got 60% of their points this week from the big 3. Respectively, 25, 22 & 21 points. As for duds, RC got some depressing showings from Mike Wallace & Chris Cooley with (4 pts each) and S-Jax (5 pts) and Henne (6 pts). As for Submission duds, The other Mike Williams (2 pts), Braylon (3 pts) (Check his sock, that looks like a flask) & Feliz Jones (3 pts). Felix Jones may actually be more of a disappointment then LeSean. Submission (M&R) is 5-3 and looking ready for the big show as the next matchups look good. RC is struggling at 3-5 and for a brief look at the future, see the aforementioned write up regarding the next 5 games and how each week looks like a MUST WIN. Just Saying.
Prediction – RC – 112 Submission – 111
My favorite part of this movie, sadly, is the Fat Cat below. Ha!
Anger Management – Dr. Buddy Rydell: Alright, I’m going to need for you to retard your anger level a few notches and listen to me, can you do that?
Dave Buznik: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah… it’s retarded, I’m retarded.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave, there are two kinds of angry people in this world: explosive and implosive. Explosive, which is the most common, is the type of individual you see screaming at a grocery store cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive, the least common, is the cashier at the store who remains quiet at his job day after day until he then finally loses it and just shoots everyone in the store. You’re the cashier.
Dave Buznik: No, no, no. I’m the guy in the frozen food section dialling 911. I swear.
SCOREING EARLY AND AUSTIN – 87 over TEAM FL NEEDS TO BEAT GA – 75
This game was a big hot mess. Even with the recent trade, the starting QB’s under whelmed with stable performances. Rookie Troy Smith for the 7’s Squared (49ers) was this teams leading scorer (19 pts) & Miles Austin (16) and the Rams D (15) rounded out the studs for Austin. As for TFNTBG, they got solid performances from Brady (17) & Witten (19) but had some glaring holes in the roster which prevented them from winning this cushy matchup. How they blew this game, I’ll never know, but they may have an entire offseason to stew on it. Duds include a DONUT for TE Zach Miller for Austin and for TFNTBG, a DONUT from Kenny Britt (left with injury), no 2nd RB even started (Vyhn saying something about not being able to pick someone up past 11am on Sunday, but its been that way all season, so tiniest violin is being played by the league) and the Williams sisters brought home the bacon as Cadillac (3 pts) and Roy E. (2 pts) sucked Hog. The luckiest team in the world, Austin sits at 5-3 just knocking at the playoff door, while TFNTBG needs a miracle at 3-5. Baruch Atah, Elochaynu Meloch Aolum. Amen. Hallelujah! Just Saying.
Prediction – TFNTBG – 109 SE&A- 97
Well, that about sums that up. A wacky week for injuries and no name starters making an impact (I.e. Jacob Tamme, LaGarrette blount, Ajirotutu, Marcel Reese.)