Week 5 Fantasy Football Detailed Matchups

jersey-shore-ratings

jersey-shore-ratings

Week 5 Fantasy Football Detailed Matchups

For Week 4 recap and results, click here <—–

Our theme for this weeks matchups will be “JERSEY SHORE”. So get your GTL out of the way, Watch out for the Grenades and get ready, cause its Teeeeee-Shirrrrttttt Tiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmeeeee!

Our “Kelevra Mojo” Premium match-up of the week.
Playing with a stacked deck (3-1) versus Submission (3-1)
This game is most closely associated with Mike “The Situation” as we all know it just appears dirty, yet we can’t seem to look away and in fact, we are glued to the results of the contest.
Stacked Deck, upon submitting his finalized roster, on paper has a commanding edge with Peyton & Romo both playing. Peyton has what appears to be a juicy matchup with undefeated KC, whereas Romo could be in for a battle with the Titans D. We actually like Phillip Rivers and Eli Manning better this week as both are facing porous defenses in Oakland and Houston. Ka-Ching! Looking down the rest of both rosters, we have convinced ourselves that Submission is going to pull this one out. Its an upset pick, fo sho, but Ryan Matthews will have his carries cut into by the capable Tolbert and Ahmad Bradshaw is dinged up and facing a Houston defense that is stout against the run. Not Minnesota Vikings stout, but stout nonetheless.

Whereas Adrian peterson will get his FF pts against the rock known as the NYJ D. He is a beast and at least 50% of the point production for Submission, so he has to produce. Both Pierre Thomas and Shonn Greene are question marks as Pierre is nursing an ankle injury and Shonne is not the starter anymore, so its a clusterf*#k for the RB2 spot. Too bad the “Law Firm” BenJarvus Green-Ellis is on a bye, but that can be said for Brandon Marshall as well.
On second thought we have reconvinced ourselves that Stacked Deck is most likely going to win this matchup.
Final Answer – STACKED DECK -128 SUBMISSION – 101

cigar guy ryder cup tiger woods

cigar guy ryder cup tiger woods

The matchup we deem the “SNOOKI” of the week. This has all the appropriate Diva ingredients with the most recent confident team 1st Place (3-1) versus the ugly reality, Rooster (2-2).
On paper, this matchup may be the closest of the week. Rooster has the slight edge which plays into the matchups, fo sho. Such as, Ryan Fitzpatrick playing because Tom Brady is on a bye week. Ouch. Fitzy to the rescue! Carson Palmer & Vince Young both scare the bejeezus out of my Fantasy Points calculator, and not in a good, we are going to score soooo many FF points that it won’t compute kind of way. More like we have the potential to throw so many INT’s and Vince could be riding the pine by the 3rd qtr with another stinker. Prolly not, but it could happen. Recent history proves it so. Whilst both Fitzy and Bradford, Sam, have been nothing but unspectacular FF pts efficiency! 10-20 pts per week. Better then Jay Cutler or Favre or Mike Vick this week.

The rest of the rosters for both teams have solid potential. (i.e.) Hillis & DeAngelo, but there is a real possibility of FF pts wasteland occuring as well. Say, for instance, the Atlanta Falcons actually decide to play D against the run and make the browns pass the ball, which has been a problem for the brownies for 6 or 7 seasons now. Just Saying. Also, DeAngelo and the Carolina Panthers are without Steve Smith as his injury holds him out. So its Jimmy Clausen and DeAngelo versus the Chicago Bears who were unrelentingly embarrassed on Sunday Night. Payback looks imminent. Just Saying. Or they maybe all go off, but history paints a more realistic picture as mentioned above.

Based on this constant rambling mess, I foresee….
ROOSTER – 89 1st PLACE – 87 — Karma for last weeks steal…errr…i mean win.

Our Favorite matchup of the week… The “PAULY D” of the week. The Brees Knees (2-2) versus Mister Rodgers (2-2). I mean, just look at the 4 QB’s starting. Drew Brees the boy next door champion… aka Wonder Bread, Brett Favre… aka The Silver Fox, Mark Sanchez…aka Boy Wonder, and finally Aaron Rodgers…aka The Stache’. 4 of the best looking QB’s in the league who spend almost as much time on their hairstyles as Tom Brady or Pauly D. This isn’t a matchup of talent, its an episode of the O.C.. Seriously, we rank the QB’s as even this week…. but upon looking deeper at the rosters we see some gaping differences.
First & foremost the RB’s are Race Horses vs. Clydesdales. Gore & Foster vs. LT & TJ. No contest…Secretariat wins everytime!
Wr’s are similar stock. Roddy & M.C. layton vs. 85 and Malcolm “in the middle” Floyd. Roddy & Clayton are like time. Consistent and dependable. Ochocinco & Floyd are bottle rockets. One week=spectacular with 15 pts, the next a dud = 4pts.
Judge Judy’s Judgement ;

I also want to point out that LeSean McCoy is not playing. That is such an Angelina move. All talk, no walk!

THE BREES KNEES – 136 MISTER RODGERS – 127

In the matchup of the week we deem Kind of a “J-WOW versus SAMI” battle. We wanted to go Angelina on this one, but we like both owners too much to stereotype them like that. I mean, everyone hates Angelina, and that isn’t the case here. Just last week Last Place got its first W! Team RC is the new surprise team of the league, overtaking Rooster in that role, for now.
Once RC finalizes their roster we like what we see. We still think Garrard & Kolb are poo. But Mojo has awoken for the Jags and they play Buffalo which should equate to Fantasy Silver and Kolb certainly has the weapons in Philly, he just can’t seem to throw the ball farther then 8 yards. He has Leinart syndrome. Lest we forget Shaun Hill, the undervalued QB producer. He has a decieving matchup against the 4th best D in the league. The St. Louis Rams?!? Yeah, its not a misprint. Maybe cut his stats in half for this one and we feel better about that.
Speaking of Mr. Maurice Jones-Drew, he is baaaaaaack, and not a moment too soon for Last Place. Now if Jay Cutler could form a complete sentence after the sunday night sack fest he was involved in. His dome hit the turf 9 times before he started drooling. Joe Flacco is still an elite QB? I am not sure if that is a statement or a question. At least Josh Freeman is off bye… Oh snap, he plays Cincy and they are on lockdown regarding passing offenses. Gonna be a struggle this week. Diving a little further down on the rosters… we likes us some Boldin, Reg Wayne and S-Jax and we think the matchups for Last Places WR’s are not good, as Brandon Lloyd has become a beast, but not against Baltimore. Sorry, it just isn’t going to happen. Orton will be pressured all the live long day. Braylon is a drunk, but we think Mark Sanchez is going to struggle against Minnesota as the run will be pretty well contained and we see Sanchez making some poor decisions with the ball. Anyhow, based on his recent pattern, we see Chris “the #1 pick” Johnson having an all-star day and alas being the winning piece in this matchup.

RC – 111 LAST PLACE – 92

Finally the Battle Royale, Speedy Gonzalez (1-3) versus Carlos (1-3) with the loser facing a harsh reality of a Fantasy Season lost and playoff hopes all but a statistical fantasy themselves. 4% chance of making the playoffs while 1-4 is a long road back. That scenario makes this game the “VINNY” of the week. Quiet and unassuming, both teams are humble and reticent to make any real moves away from their drafted rosters, signifying the captian going down with the ship syndrome. But VINNY also makes you second guess your original take on him, by “smushing with Angelina and Snooki”. Yeah, that just happened.
Alright onto the Fantasy Bye Week and Injury armeggedon that is this matchup. Oy.
Ray Rice – injured hip – will play
Mendenhall – BYE
Roethlisberger – BYE
Jahvid – Injury – Questionable big toe – will play
Knowshon – Questionable with Injury – not looking good
Larry Fitzgerald – The Original “Fitzy” – Saddled with a rookie QB in offense illegitimate Arizona.

OK, now onto the positive.
Austin Collie – Mr. Consistent performer
Brent Celek – Back to relevance with Kolb and his 6 yard passes!
Megatron – Ought to bring the lumber against Rams
Addai – Indy could keep this close and use Addai again for more TD love!
McNabb – This is 1 week where he could really go off, but we think they will use Torain more and pass less.

Gonna be a tight one (thats what she said!)
CARLOS – 112 SPEEDY GONZALEZ – 105

Good luck this week. Your all gonna need it!

judge-smails-movie-quotes-caddyshack-demotivational-poster-1268177140

judge-smails-movie-quotes-caddyshack-demotivational-poster-1268177140

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One response to “Week 5 Fantasy Football Detailed Matchups

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